Something about this story doesn’t check out--- oh yes, Kyle Schwarber being on base.

Baseball has been played for over 100 years the exact same way...

The Bears get the honor of really fucking it up this year. You guys are in the clear for once.

I would fuck Sean Spicer in the mouth for $38,000/yr.

Pence only eats Mother’s pie.

He seems to have decent taste in Russian whores.

I am zero percent surprised that Pence opts for a fruit plate instead of pie, aka the Devil’s dessert.

He really is a dumb piece of shit who sucks at everything.

It’s not surprising he doesn’t know how dogs work. They’re a far superior species than he will ever be.

GoFundMe is literally the American healthcare system at this point

Currently stoned so this caught me for a second, then I cackled with glee.

Does he really need that degree? I mean, nothing says long-term job security like “Buffalo Bills QB,” right?

Oh for fucks sake Charlie Strong is one of the few people in college football who doesn’t seem like the scum of the earth. One who actually takes the idea of helping players grow as individuals seriously. This is a judge in Florida. If Strong is the first thing out of south Florida to have caused you shame, either…

“I want to kiss you, Kim Jung Un.”

“Hey we’ve got Namath. Which blonde lady do you”

LOL Trump is never going to fill all those spots. Auditioning for a job is stupid; Trump is just going to add it to Jared’s portfolio as part of his long plan to kill him with over-exhaustion so that he can nail his wife.

Ever since he was a little boy grouping off the neighborhood children he’s dreamed of that day

its still probably considerably less than you’d spend wrestling in a state-sanctioned House of Hooers:

If I know Balmer, the Clippers will be more stable after a small update and a reboot.