I can’t wait to see the tattoo he gets for this one.

Wow, this guy just can’t stop killing people. 

If a tree falls in the forest, hopefully Bill Simmons was under it.

But just think of all of the garish Raider superfan costuming that can be re-purposed by GWAR tribute bands and post-apocalyptic cosplayers

Weird, I thought being rude and ignorant was a selling point for a conservative media personality.

If he had a decent-sized dick we wouldn’t be in this mess.

Just remember that he has a small penis and all will be well

In Trump’s America, this kind of behavior will likely lead to a cabinet position.

Fun fact: Technically, I am from the same species as John Wall, so that’s neat.

I wigged out on Santa when I was like 2 1/2. Easter Bunny? My parents weren’t chancing that shit

LA teams losing: Priceless

“Fatal accident reported early Sunday morning involving a chicken truck and a Toyota Camry. Fortunately for the Deadspin commenting community, ThomasLaid was killed in the 30 mph collision after being violently thrown from the driver’s seat. No other fatalities were reported. The chickens are alive and well and…

you’re a fucking moron if you think that not wearing a seatbelt will give you better odds to survive a crash

People who say shit like this are basically the equivalent of antivaxers, but somehow even dumber.

The Todd Heap one is absolutely brutal. I cannot imagine how a parent recovers from that.

The doctors told your cousin about what might have happened in a car crash they didn’t witness if they had been wearing a seatbelt? ERRRRRHMAHHHGERHHHHHD! Shut the fuck up, turd.

Yup, a milder PSA about the benefits of not wearing seat belts is definitely the way to go.

“The State Patrol reports that Chyna Thomas was not wearing her seat belt.”

For those who were wondering, a “Jersey Wall” is when a bunch of spray tanned Italian women in the club surround their friend to protect her from an Ed Hardy-wearing bro trying to roofie her Bud Light Lime-a-Rita.

I’m sure most of his dates with her start with him blowing her up and patching any leaks she developed after he shoved her between the mattress ans boxspring after their last date.