Pictured: Donald Trump at his inauguration.

Hmm? Other than the times my mom walked in on me, I’ve always done the handshake alone. To each, his own.

He’ll be the Secretary of State by Friday

Are there any Brazilians on the roster?

Of course not. Bills fans mount their TV from behind.

It’s hard to believe that he was the Valedictorian of the Texas A&M class of 2016.

You’re renting your TV from a different Aaron.

For strict Christians, they seem like sabotaging dickwads. (Also, they had no problem with Jordon going on ABC’s Festival of Herpes??)

Mark Davis has already initiated a search in the Las Vegas area for barbers familiar with using bowls as cosmotology instruments.

So instead of getting drunk while the Chiefs inevitably tear my heart, Ill be piss drunk by kickoff and instead will die of alcohol poisoning by halftime

That would probably be my last meal request if I ever end up on death row.

I can think of another new symbol that more accurately gauges fan interest

“I’ve never wasted a good egg.” -Philip Rivers

Funny thing about the photo of the Chargers last home game, all of the Chargers fans in attendance were Philip Rivers kids

Make Fake News Great Again!

It reminds me of Jonestown. It really, really does. Jim Jones was fucking baking his brain with drugs and was spiraling into madness and paranoia, and his hangers on just went on down that road with him. He couldn’t stand being told no. Couldn’t stand being questioned, or having to answer for the bad things he’d done.…

He has the mental capacity of a 5-year-old

Take anyone successful at standup comedy and they will mop the floor when handling a buffoon.

Mike Pence is furiously masturbating.

Then why does BYU suck?