Fuck Joey Porter. He’s an asshole and I hope he gets his balls gnawed off by weasels.

Lol how was he supposed to being together a segment of population that didn’t even believe he’s a US citizen? How do you reach out to people who believe you’re a Kenyan, Muslim, Socialist who’s building FEMA camps and going to take their guns away?

Obama didn’t do anything that affected racial relations outside of getting elected. The reactions of racist-ass white conservatives to a black man being elected President, on the other hand...

Regardless of your political affiliation, it is still funny to make fun of the fact that the President-Elect tweets like an emotional teenager. Also go fuck yourself.

This will seem normal by the time Trump fires off his first state of the union Tweet.

When asked what Mixon is doing to ensure he has changed, Schaffer said they had “a fantastic plan and program in place” but gave no details on what that plan or program might include.

Jerry Jones issued a statement that as long as the suspension was for drugs, and not for almost killing a woman with your bare hands, he has no problem with the league’s decision.

“Once you get jazzed up for sex, a guy will stick it in a tree trump.”

I want to laugh in the faces of every fellow white person who voted Trump who’s now like “....I didn’t think he was gonna actually do [insert thing that Trump said exactly that he was going to do once he was President here].” Repeal the ACA that’s brought you health insurance, take away any shred of regulation in the…

Do you think Jacksonville or Cleveland are better opportunities? I honestly think it’s -

Gordon later clarified that her actions were payback for all the times McLane failed to help her achieve an orgasm when they were colleagues and used to fuck after work.

*PENIS SOMEHOW ELECTED PRESIDENT

Being a Bills fan is a roller coaster of emotions, assuming the roller coaster in question is located in an abandoned amusement park and simply sits, stationary, at the lowest point of the track for decades.

Shoplifting during a competition in which the store is giving you free stuff? The sheer weight of this guy’s balls must make playing football rather difficult.

I’m not the religious sort, but sending alllll the most loving, comforting, warm vibes in the direction of Todd and Billie right now.

US should start a misinformation campaign that doping makes you gay

This doesn’t help in my quest to dislike Kevin Durant

“We shoulda had more time.”

The only snaps Romo’s worried about are his neck and spine.

You need to use advanced metrics to sum up how awful he is. My choice would be fucks over replacement, which is the number of times he’s paid for sex against the number of consensual encounters. It must be phenomenal.