As I always say, if there's one thing better than a horny nun, it's two horny nuns

Dumbest fucking thing to do.

“What is plastics?”

I like that Katie Couric. She's perky. They should hire her and then quietly replace her with Deborah Norville.

“I’m like a girder on the wind. Watch how I plummet.”

Buddy you are picking the worst fight at the WORST time for the WORST stakes

none of the characters are particularly interesting or even likable

But Rogue One IS a prequel.  Ah ha!

Counter point: Rogue One is the best Star Wars film since the original trilogy.

I can’t believe it. My entire worldview is irrevocably shattered.

I sure hope not. I wasn’t sure at first, but her shoutout to, “Backyard Band, E.U., Suga Bear, and the whole DMV” definitely gave it away that it was staged.

This is getting way too much coverage.

Is there actually anyone that watched it that didn’t immediately realize how blatantly staged that was?!?

Wait people assumed it wasn't?

Really priming us for disappointment with tomorrow’s inevitable article: “Sorry Folks... the Glenn Close/Da Butt Bit Was Scripted”

Valkyrie - a slaver. She literally kidnapped people and sold them into slavery to be murdered for the amusement of the mob so she could buy beer.

Are you suggesting that in his lust for snark, William might have missed the actual story?

Yeah, but there’s a difference between “Eh, here’s the same movie with some extra bits” and “Here’s a whole other fucking version of the same movie also it’s four hours now K thanx bye.” 

Based on the headline, this is one of the most confusing AV Club articles I ever read... and it seems like this is the norm these days. Not only is there some "snarkier than thou" attitude, but an ad break in between it all that makes it all so confusing. I remember newswires were brief and made fun of the…