Something something holding doors! Enjoy your equality, ladies, where you’re forced to open heavy doors WITHOUT MALE ASSISTANCE!

OZONE! Yes, this is a thing, and yes, I could totally smell it when I was pregnant. I could smell EVERYTHING, which meant we had to switch everything in the world to “unscented” because I couldn’t deal with any of it. Nor coffee, my one true love. I could drink it okay, but the smell was trying to kill me.

You are wrong, sir! This is the best, most magnificent song from Frozen.

She said it cuz many children want to go to boarding school to live there after seeing Harry Potter, and instead of wizards and owls you get fucking maniac nuns and rapist priests as teachers.

I’m all for Tracy Morgan and the families of those killed getting justice in this case, but I worry that suing Wal-Mart will lead them to control their risk by outsourcing trucking to 3rd party shippers. Then Wal-Mart will do what they do best and “encourage” those 3rd parties to cut costs every year, leading to more…

That must be why he’s getting no jail time.

So Mariah Carey only eats salmon and Kenny G only uses his hands to play saxamophone (NOTHING ELSE!)...

Our in-laws speak the same language. They always complain about how small our apartment is when they come to stay with us :( Like, maybe the apartment wouldn’t feel so cramped if you guys would just go stay in a hotel instead of fussing around my shit?

Are orange skin and bad hair now required to be a right wing honcho?

On the plus side, I’m starting to feel better about not yet planning for retirement. It’s starting to look like not much is going to be around in thirty years

Sometimes the best way to avoid mosquito bites is to be around someone who they find more tasty. It’s a great system except for the person getting bit while everyone else comments on the lack of mosquitos. Alas, I’ve learned this by being the most delicious human that gets all the bites.

Is it horrible that I truly want this woman to be doxed?

Yeah. we are good. They are allowing students in adjacent classrooms to go home. Police and FBI are stating that the scene is clear.

We have always been at war with Eurasia.

I can tell you that “Inbred People Playing with Knives, Ends Poorly For the Ginger One” is something that happens around my white family quite often.

No. Your mother in law is cracked. Mine runs around the house in a negligee. My own mother won’t come over if she’s here.

Ugh. Don’t feel bad.

Stop even trying. Do things with her on your terms or don’t do them.