When I was wedding planning I found only one website I could tolerate about it, and they happen to have a piece on ultimatums that helped expand my notions about them: http://apracticalwedding.com/2012/08/engage…. Much like Jez, the comments are the best part.

See my response to BlueJeans in this thread—I think that came across as more definitive than I meant, when that was just one scenario that happened to jump to mind that I would want to not be so harsh on as many people were.

I certainly did not mean to imply that was the only reason, but I can see how it might have come across that way. It was simply one that jumped to mind because I’ve happened to know a bunch of people in different stages of breaking out of those gender norms, and often those views were not 100% calibrated between…

Everything you’ve said highlights how this worked well for you and an ultimatum didn’t make sense for your situation, but I’d encourage you to not assume that every relationship is like yours. First, not everyone is as free from gendered norms/traditions as you, and many people hang on to some idea about how a…

I don’t really think it’s the end of story, because an ultimatum is reducing something very nuanced down to a binary decision. Even what people deem to be “an ultimatum” has flexibility—someone might literally say “Either we get married by the end of the year or I’m moving out.” Or it could be that after a series of…

Agreed. I also just want to have sympathy for people who haven’t completely broken free of the gender norms/expectations surrounding marriage. We all like to think we’re super enlightened on that front because we recognize they’re stupid, but when it comes right down to it many of us find ourselves trapped by them…

I accidentally took mace on the plane once. I didn’t think about it because it was on my keychain, got to my destination and noticed “hmmm, that could’ve gone poorly if someone had noticed.”

Seriously, if that compromised her treatment in any way that money could all go right back to the hospital.

I wish that’s something the world would embrace more. You can call something your friend said sexist or racist or privileged, without that being the overall feeling you have about that person. Your friend can check something you’ve said without them magically ceasing to be your friend.

I heard a woman’s body has ways of shutting down that slutty dressing.

The other great one is finding benign but large tumors that the doctor recommends removing for comfort and because smaller cancerous tumors can hide behind large benign ones on mammograms, but the insurance company deems it a “cosmetic” surgery that they have no interest in paying for. Even though as a frequent flyer…

This. Nobody has to be “the insufferable one,” you’re just not compatible anymore.

yeah I mean I always say that if reincarnation were real I’d want to come back as a housecat... but I just don’t even know how someone makes the leap from “hey that little shithead has a pretty cozy life, bet it’d be nice not to have to go to work every day,” to “I’m going to dress up and pretend to be a whole…

I think I’ve lost my clock. Maybe it’ll turn up someday.

Update: mea culpa! I didn’t click through to the more comprehensive article so I didn’t realize the extent of damage done by keeping them on Hawaii, etc. If I could edit or delete the post, I would.

Serves me right for not clicking through to the real article. That’s a big enough point that I wish Jez would have included it, but I guess they can’t just copy everything.

See, now THIS is what I’m saying upstream to the poster who says they got too little!

Maybe I’m in the minority here, but it seems like plenty to me for 2 days worth of lockup and a fairly brief legal dispute. I’m trying to consider this in light of the whole system of damage compensation, which seems to often award a million or two for years of serious abuse, and also the police department’s ability…

I can’t believe he’s back to hitting people when he’s upset about something. There was a point where I thought Jo was too immature for him because she beat up her ex, but now he’s right back at that point too. It’s a miracle these two haven’t taken swings at each other yet, they do with everyone else.

I think of him as Dean DeLuca *snort*. Yeah there’s him and creepy guy who’s just trying to get in the sexytimes game but failing miserably. I’m not even sure he has a name.