Yet another child who's cooler than I'll ever be. Rock on, Alexis!

@Haystacks: Litigation is expensive, time-consuming, and just generally sucks. Plus, especially in California, you have NO idea how things are going to turn out in court. You would be surprised at how many baseless lawsuits are settled.

And a nasty yeast infection from those pants.

Now we know what's at the top of every Real Housewife of Atlanta's Christmas wish list.

@MacNaughty: Thanks peeps. As usual, Jez shows me I'm not (too much of) a freak :)...

What is wrong with me that there is so much to snark on in this picture, and all I can think of is how I would kill for her legs?

@Archetype: That's what I was thinking. They were equally hideous.

@whats_in_a_name: Maybe they were in second grade! (See comment below :)...)

And she's wearing my favorite dress from second grade. Seriously, I think that is the exact dress.

@JessicaLovejoy wants a Deldeaux in Butts!: And I promise I don't have Pimps Up, Hos Down saved on tivo.

I think I just became a woman.

@Archetype: I hope they serve cupcakes. And Cool Ranch Doritos.

You had me at Tucker Max.

Between this pic, the Brad Pitt stache in a car pic, the one of the Olsens at the airport, and the Guy Ritchie pic from a week or so ago, paparazzi pics are starting to look really arty. Or maybe I'm just so inundated with them, I'm inventing art to keep from stabbing myself in the eye.

@umm_okay: And still, it celebrated impossible thinness.

My best friend's dog likes, um, used feminine products.

Eh, I have a hard time with this. She used steroids and lied about it. Like so many male athletes before her. And yet she ends up in prison.

@Brianne: No. It would be weird if you ever ran into her, grabbed her nose, withdrew your hand in fist and said "Got your nose! Got your nose!"

She was apparently impressed with Mrs. Roper's housedress, though.

The lesson to take from the salary story is apparently, sleep with women and make more money.