I find it hilarious that it's 2014 and people are still using 19th century understandings of biology to define gender.

It's all fun and games until the episiotomy stories start coming out.

Have you ever applied an OB tampon?

GUYS, 'squicks' has been INTERNET LINGO since like 2004. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

It's a shame all of this went down after John Oliver moved to HBO because I would have liked to see him replace Colbert in some fashion. Also, I'm concerned that moving to CBS will instantly age Colbert by thirty years.

I am a dog trainer and I have mastered the art of silent farting so whenever I have to I'm just like "gimme your dog, I need to demonstrate something" and then fart and am like "damn, what are you feeding this dog?" I'm very relieved I am not the only person who does this (haha jk we all do it, that's one of the perks…

Yes.

If I'm thinking of the same one, it was Prudence. It stuck in my head because her response to the cries of disgust included the concept of not washing bras "until they can walk themselves into the laundry room."

Sometimes we get menstrual blood on our hands.

I seek out and listen to at least one Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson or Pink song each day. Every day. No exceptions.

mansecrets4lyfe!

Here's a secret for the gents out there. Lean in real close, now:

Some of us ladyfolk have penises. It's totally okay that that happens, too. Stop freaking out about it.

I know these lists are usually a bunch of gender essentialist nonsense, and for the most part this one is no exception. However, I think "Sometimes we're just not in the mood." is actually kind of important, because the idea that men are always up for sex at any time for any reason is actually pretty damaging.

Also, we don't wash our bras all that often.

Yes. Yes I wash them. I also wash them when I get poop on them, which also can happen. To women.

I work at a doggie daycare, and I fart all the time secure in the knowledge that no one will hear over the barking, and I can just blame the smell on the dogs.

Here's a few lady secrets for ya:

Yeah I don't get it either.

And what kind of an idiot doesn't know that people have a less even skin tone, smaller eyes, and paler lips without make-up because that is the point of make-up??? To me, this is like being shocked that people are flesh-colored under their clothes.

I trick men using witchcraft and my cagey vagina. I don't need makeup for that.