Hey! I dated a 28-year-old cop when I was 17. I worked at a vitamin shop and we met over a Buy-Three-Get-One-Free sale on his favorite protein powder. Not much for conversation, but he could fuck like a piston and drove a nice car. And our first names rhymed so that was also super cute.

I’m more wondering why it looks like he’s eating a condom for lunch?

Full-sugar ginger ale and a hash oil vape here. Sup?

you is idiot.

We had bomb drills and mass shooting drills. I started high school in 1999, six months after Columbine, at a school built by the same developers as Columbine that even looked very similar. It was eerie and honestly, most of us took it very seriously even as assy teenagers because the reality of Columbine was so recent…

I picture some pitch meeting wherein you witnessed the horrifying genesis of joke into real thing.

Watching Congress this last eight years already had it boiling up in me, but this week the thought, “This is the definition of the terrorists winning,” keeps streaking through my head.

Yeah but like... Florida democrats though. I have higher hopes for the national party coming off of the liberal enthusiasm of the Obama years. I’ve been really proud of the party and the dude. Wish we could’ve done more.

Hell yes! Say it again for the folks in the cheap seats!

I’m an executive for a Xanterra company, though not in the parks. This is not a test, I repeat this is not a test. This is actually not even close to the most ridiculous one I’ve seen or even dealt with myself. I have thought about starting a Behind Closed Ovens-like blog of my experiences, but I’m afraid of the…

WHITE NOISE. OH MY GOD.

I bet you have no friends.

The 3 women who work for me (I’m a gay man,) and I are very close and totally lack boundaries with one another, so this is the kind of thing that would be said in our closed meetings as a joke. Matter of fact, the elder statesman of the bunch, an elegant woman in her mid-fifties who’s been doing our job for longer…

Every brown kid in here just shuddered and felt the sting of getting smacked with one of these by their mom or tia growing up.

JGL just did that, didn’t he? Voila, secret baby! It’s like a hat trick.

Ah yes, the poor man’s Nathan Fillion! I’d like the two in a sandwich, please!

I always just assume, “bath salts.”

Live in Columbia City, work in Belltown. :)

You mean sous vide! My favorite culinary-related word to make myself sound more interesting than I actually am. Well, that and calling certain kinds of fowl by specific names just to fuck with my guests. Served a roasted capon at my last dinner shindig. My friend’s husband actually said, “I don’t mean to sound like a…

Yes! Some of the angriest stupid fights my husband and I have had are because I refuse to walk into a business within 15 min of closing.