No you did not.

It’s kinda like “Hooybp”? And I’m kind of convinced only the Dutch can say it properly. The Ugly Americans in our office who don’t try call him “Hibe”

Bullshit. Everybody masturbates in the bath.

I also realize my job involves a shitload of Dutchmen (cruise shipping) and that might be influencing my ability to pronounce these things. I work with a dude named Huib. And no that doesn’t sound anything like you think lol

...kinda? What were you expecting it to sound like?

The difference being that NdGT is a cosmologist and Pluto is definitely not a planet. Let it go, Pluto truthers. Let it go.

...because you didn’t bother to look, amirite?

Can’t tell if you’re a troll or an asshole... but characterizing Neil DeGrasse Tyson as a spectator is one of the most disrespectful things I’ve heard in a while. The guy has written a dozen books and been published in scores of peer reviewed journals. He’s Director of the Hayden Planetarium. The guy has a fucking…

but what about the cum foam!?

I mean like, I don’t want it ground into my cheeseburger, but I’m okay with 99% of other possible uses.

even if it’s twice-daily like in college, masturbation is always a special occasion. go you.

I don’t think it does anything to impugn the feminist movement to say it’s a stupid fucking woman that’s married to Bill Cosby after (and most especially during) all this.

This was days ago. Nobody cares about your opinion now, least of all on how I should manage my feelings. Fuck off.

I went to high school with Ashley Tisdale, we were in the same class. We did not get along. 12 years out, most of what I remember is she drove an obnoxious eyesore yellow Lexus and was known to my friends as the “Chicken Tonight girl” after her star making turn in those awful commercials for shelf stable gravy.

JUST IN CASE their neighbors go apeshit over the smell again and they shut down.

You know what is hard? Attending medical school and specializing in epidemiology.

Well, you’re a piece of shit.

And the award for most fitting username goes to...

A lot of these stories are about negotiating a salary before starting a job. I was very pleased and shocked to receive an almost-unheard of 25% increase 18 months into a job at a turnaround company. I wish there were more tricks to it, but I honestly just made sure I was worth more than my salary every day until it…

If someone can just share with me the secret of eating at Taco Bell and not ending up debilitated by diarrhea and intestinal spasms for two days, I’d gladly nominate them for the Nobel Peace Prize.