In fairness, Don't Look in the Basement is a loose adaptation of the same Poe story Stonehearst Asylum is based on, but yeah, it could have done more to disguise it.

Unless you're Newt Gingrich, accurately quoting someone is not the same thing as "smearing" them.

He changed his tune on Knightley, too. He still refers to Gerard Butler as "Shut Up Buttwad" after a child listener mispronounced his name as that, but to be honest there's less danger of Gerard Butler suddenly becoming brilliant.

Matthias Schoenarts would be my pick, but I doubt they're going to go outside the UK.

Crazy talk! Slag was the hardest of the Dinobots. Did nobody care about his fire-breathing abilities?

The God Complex is just incredible. I think Closing Time has its flaws but it might well be Smith's best performance as the Doctor, and that counts for a lot.

As a fairly long-term Burton fan, I always felt the complaints about his plotting were overstated, though: things like Mars Attacks! and Beetlejuice don't need Swiss-watch plots to work, and only Planet of the Apes felt seriously damaged by its plot illogic.

There are two that I think nail it: the 1966 BBC TV adaptation with Peter Cook as the Mad Hatter is utterly beautiful and strange, and Jan Svankmajer's version manages to stick close to Carroll's text while also being clearly the director's own work. Neither really work as commercial children's films, though.

In the unlikely event you need some other anonymous internet asshole's perspective, for me it was two huge problems:

I watched it with a historian friend, who had to be forcibly restrained from shouting "You just started the opium wars!" when Alice suggested trading with China at the very end.

I mean, if that's the story Burton and Woolverton wanted to tell, they could have picked literally any other fantasy novel ever written. Why fuck with this one?

And foreign sales, too. Really, there's no guessing Hollywood accounting.

His wife was accused of sleeping with Hillary Clinton by lunatics who also thought she was the vanguard of the Muslim Brotherhood in America. I mean, I get it, it's a fun, salacious rumour, but the people propagating it are complete scum.

You're confusing reality with Neighbours story arcs again!

I think it's easy to forget as an adult how powerful it is when you first see someone like you in media. I always loved Ace from '80s Doctor Who just because I thought she was cool and beautiful; it was only when I revisited those episodes as an adult that I realised it was a coded bisexual coming-of-age story. It's…

I like how quickly the title flashes up in the trailer, as though the marketing department were saying "Yeah, we know it's a terrible title too."

Yeah, it was kind of like protesting Chris Christie by pushing a pie in his face.

I think Trumbull did some tests and found out that, once you get above 60fps, the eye stops being able to differentiate between frame rates. Which, if I'm remembering that correctly, doesn't bode well for Lee doubling that frame rate.

I do love the idea that all those "For a good time, call…" notices on bathroom walls are Scientology harassment ops. I wonder if even the most gullible teenager has actually called one of those numbers?

Hang on, someone's making a film adaptation of A Million Little Pieces? In 2016? Who the fuck needs a tax write-off that badly?