The first thing I noticed was her hair! It looks greasy and unkempt. And, she has the sads fer real.

Bacon Is Murder. And so is paying for it. $7 a pound? WTF????????

I tend to imagine that abusive trolls are pussies in real life. They seem demure in their day-to-day activities and save their savagely abusive rhetoric for on-line. But would I want to be married to a guy who tells women to kill themselves? Not for one hot second. Pregnant or not, there is something dead inside that…

We were at the zoo and watching the zebras. The two started doing it! I told my girl that if we are lucky, we will see a new baby zebra next summer! And there was! The little girl zebra was beautiful.

I started when my girl was two or three years old. I told her in the tub how to clean her private part in the bath by calling it her vagina. And I also told her nobody has the right to touch your vagina but you. Eventually, I mentioned that boys have something different called a penis. As she grew and asked questions,…

The world is good again!

My life is infinitely better for having read this.

Should have been called "My Parent's Open Caskets"...

These people seem strangely Aryan...

I waited till I was 50 to get a tattoo. I knew no matter what it was I wouldn't live long enough to regret it! And I never have. I now have three. My next tattoo will be my husband's name. After 35 years, I think it's safe to do!!! But you kids, don't ever tattoo a name on your ass. OK?

The bear is clearly a vegetarian.

My first gross encounter was my first week as a new nurse. I worked in a small nursing home

She thinks god talks to her? Which god? Zuul? Xenu? Ganesha? Nope. Nada. Zip.

Michael Vick got worse for animal murder and torture. Rice just beat up a woman, right? She didn't die so it's not worth the trouble. Two games? I call bulls**t.

Gee, that bible must just be there for killing bugs.

You poor bastard.

Wow. This ruin porn is so clean! I live in Detroit and everything is covered in graffiti. Greece is orderly by comparison!

I see what you did there. And I love it.

Wanna win her back? How about not cheating with every goddam skirt in town and treating your wife with respect and love. No. Flowers don't cut it, bitch!

I demand equal rights! I want to have two more husbands and to marry my cat! However, my cat doesn't care. She's just in it for the canned tuna.