You lost.

Actually, a lot of people in New York like Donald Trump. And voted for him. And if you think New Yorkers “have the local pols and administrators by the short and curlies,” you haven’t been paying attention. No one is treated with greater contempt by their politicians than New York City voters.

Just think. For 24 hours or so, the Jets head coach was Bill Belichick.

I have good news or you. If you write an article once a day for the rest of your life, you will still never match the pure shitheaded stupidity of this one. It just can’t be topped.

Envious sniping from a reformed drunk who hates everyone that still can have a few without lapsing into a binge coma.

But even the offensive linemen probably know the difference between the neuter singular possessive pronoun and the contraction for “it is.”

Who’s Matt Ryan?

It is refreshing and graceful of you to openly confess your inability to understand things.

Where you will starve to death in about two months. Unless someone kills you and eats you first.

Now that Hitler is literally president, is Eva the first lady? Does that mean Goering is next in line? Will we launch U-boats against British shipping? My god, think of the horrors!

The markets seem to feel otherwise.

Jill Stein is demanding a recount.

You two are the same person, right?

How many sides does the ball have?

You know, I don’t think I will. You miss my point entirely.

Oh, yes. Heaven forbid that Penn State should ever be allowed to move on from its shameful past. We must grind their noses into the dirt. They must suffer interminably. Bad, bad Penn State. The people who played tonight must take no pride in their accomplishment, because ooriginal sin and all that.

This can only be solved by mandatory chemical castration and daily counseling for all cisgender college males. I will be in charge.

You did.

Oh. A story about some English football club. Never mind.

Never happen.