Because, as Lee Trevino once said, “That’s where I was aiming.”

Fortunately, you showed up. Some dick always does.

Did you expect someone who uses “hole-in-one” as a verb to know anything about golf?

I know. What I don’t know is why Burneko doesn’t go sit on the curb outside Newton’s house and beg him for just one kiss on the mouth.

And if you think that dolphins are analogous to werewolves, then you could say that Flipper ripped the throats out of children. What on earth are you talking about?

Bingo.

How sad. I hope things improve for you.

Is there no one at Deadspin that can write about golf without blurting out some incredible howler? So far, we have three different blunders: two golfers “hitting” a hole in one, and someone else “shoots” a hole in one.

“...after hitting four straight birdies....”

Left out some obvious and important stuff:

Then build a model of the Lusitania using bird saliva and toothpicks.

Coates has found his metier.

What are you “known as?” Can we have all your money?

Your life sounds like hell on earth. Honestly, I can’t see how you get through the day.

Ciatation was a racehorse. A good one.

Villanova is the NCAA champ. You are...weeping bitter tears, which are like nectar to me.

Great game, and congratulations to Villanova, who played gutty ball for all four quarters. Never lost their cool; never lost their game. Great win.

Sure. Put a sock over your fist, paint a face on it and make it say anything you want. Then post a video to YouTube. But that’s still not me “admitting” that your assertions, based largely on your own yearning, are facts.

Please provide a shred of evidence that Gay Talese sold more, or is more well-known by any measure.

The funny thing is, you actually believe that an opinion like this can be “proven,” because, like, you know, numbers.