I’m creating a burner with the handle Dick Litter.

also, HE IS CLEARLY MARRIED and she STILL doesn’t get that at the end, which is mind-blowing. like, thats not an engagement party, sweetie.

Back when my parents were lining up prospective husbands for me, my father got an intriguing phone call from an Indian man who was very impressed with my “bio-data” (which is sort of a marriage resume). The two of them had a nice long conversation about family backgrounds, shared values, the educational backgrounds of…

The late, great Pixel used to jump in the shower with me on purpose. He’d sit at the back and meow loudly up at me until water went up his nose and made him sneeze. And his adoptive brother Kato would sit on my chest when I was in the bath, even though it meant his back legs and tail were in the water.

Me and Irena Mirena just had our 1 year anniversary in March. We’re very happy and looking forward to 4 more childless years.

The fact that any issue related to birth control is still being litigated just really fucking annoys me. ALMOST EVERYONE USES BIRTH CONTROL. Seriously, no matter what religious affiliation people have, how many families do we see with 10 kids? Because before birth control was invented /legal/widely available there…

Yeah, those assholes aren’t wanting to stop at not having to provide it themselves. They’re wanting to prevent their employees from having the coverage at all.

I wonder if any of those “religious” institutions whined about the 2 page form to be a non-profit religious institution required by the IRS.

I agree, but I feel the same way about the oversharing of happy father’s day posts. The deluge of “he’s the most loving and the most supportive and the most generous and I luurve him” was a bit too much for some of us with a more complicated relationship with our dads.

It’s pretty rich of her to construe a homeland security dude doing his job as “trying to get his 15 minutes” considering she hitched her wagon to an aging alcoholic superstar and hasn’t looked back since.

Hmm. I really didn’t have an opinion on Amber Heard either way until just now. And now I think she’s an ass.

There is a thing I like to randomly share with cat owners , and that is the existence of museum putty. It’s wonderful stuff. It won’t keep a lamp from getting knocked off the table if it sustains a direct hit from a 14lb. cat moving at high speed. But it will save your framed pictures, vases, action figures, candle…

When I was a kid the neighbors had a cat who was obsessed with tender vittles and he wasn’t allowed to have them. He would sneak into our house and get into the cabinet our cat’s vittles were in, he even went so far as to walk nonchalantly into the corner store behind customers and go to where they were on the shelf…

Bossy also once convinced my roommate that we were haunted.

You see, she found a doorknob that was loose, and would rattle it at random times at night. Unseen.

Okay, here she is. Her name is Bossy. Once upon a time, she was a starving little stray who stole garbage. Now, she’s an arm-hugging, extremely-affectionate little mischief machine.

When I first got my cat, the shelter didn’t warn me how obsessed with food he is, and I made the mistake of leaving out overnight a cardboard carton of wet food pouches. My cat, who ripped the carton apart, ate three pouches and hid two more under a chair for later, has more self-control than that caramel woman.

Your cat sounds pretty cool.

My cat, who once opened a microwave oven while the popcorn was popping, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once destroyed a floor-to-ceiling lamp with her butt, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once fell off a bookshelf at 3 AM only to land butt-first on my face (catass…

I also found out that Tywanza Sanders had tried to save his aunt, Susie Jackson, by throwing himself in front of the shooter and offering himself up.

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