While we’re imagining nonsense, let’s pretend they found a way to fit James Harden, Russell Westbrook and prime-era Michael Jordan on the roster, too.

All the people who knew what Nassar was doing and helped conceal it should spare us the trouble of prosecuting them. And given the scope and duration of these crimes, we’re talking about a lot of people.

He doesn’t always turn in a good performance, but he almost always gives the impression that he’s having a good time. That has a certain entertainment value.

I had a burger recently where the ground beef was clearly being adulterated with some kind of filler, like bread crumbs or something. Trying to stretch the meat, I suppose. I didn’t much care for it, but I figured there was no point in complaining, either. They know very well that that’s not a good way to cook…

I eagerly went to see the Director’s Cut in the theater when it was in limited release a few years back, since I’d totally missed the original release and had only seen it on DVD. All the pre-re-release publicity promised that it was going to deepen the mystery and yet shed light on some of the puzzling aspects of the…

I detest the director’s cut of Donnie Darko and adore the original version. Sometimes directors get more caught up in the story they meant to tell than in the story they actually told.

It’s not even so much that it’s expanded, as it’s restored to some semblance of what it might’ve been before the studio cut it to ribbons. Both of the big action sequences, when they’re trying to trap the alien and later when they’re trying to melt it, are incomprehensible in the theatrical version. But in the…

He’s still basking in the undeserved halo effect of having been Ebert’s lesser half after Siskel died. That was Ebert’s great mistake, picking a partner who didn’t have Gene Siskel’s gravitas, intellect and reputation. If he’d partnered with a legit critic at that time, the show might’ve survived Ebert’s death.

That’s the definition of pennywise and pound foolish. The money they saved by cutting him is a pittance compared to the damage to their product. You don’t cut the things that make you special, you cut the things that everyone has anyway.

Precisely. Buying exposure is just a form of marketing, but falsely inflating your audience is fraud. Newspaper circulation numbers are audited, TV audiences are collected by Nielsen and website traffic is measured by a number of third-party sites. When you work in journalism, the size of your audience on any platform…

If he knew he was buying fake followers, that’s an ethical red line that he shouldn’t have crossed. But if he thought he was just buying more exposure for his Tweets, and thus, his stories, that’s something media companies do constantly. So the crux of the matter is finding out what Roeper thought he was buying at the…

The Assembly Cut of Alien3 is so much better than the theatrical version that I don’t care which one the director prefers. The Assembly Cut actually makes sense from a storytelling perspective. Plus I’m pretty sure Fincher has disavowed both versions anyway.

He was only displaying resistance because he wanted to go Ohm.

Obviously if he wasn’t resisting arrest, they wouldn’t have arrested him, and there wouldn’t have been anything for him to resist. His resistance to the act caused the act, and thus it is his fault. #alternativefacts #makearrestinggreatagain #thesehashtagsdonothing #soblessed #imadapperdanman

She’s going to market a line of Streepless gowns.

Oh, you were doing so well, and then you blew it right at the end. The average Hannity fan has no idea that the KGB was reorganized as the FSB.

He’s 15 years older than Greg Oden.

Oh that does sound familiar, I’ve worked in local news myself. For eight years I had to listen to readers calling me up and asking, “Why aren’t you covering how corrupt Obama is???? That should be on your front page every day!!!!” Well, sir, madam, or other, we only cover the news in your podunk town, and if you took…

You don’t meet people with names like Mort anymore. Soon it’ll be one of those odd, obsolete names like Aethelred or Millard or Donald.

Beyond the obvious factor of Hannity’s complete and utter idiocy and incompetence, there’s the small matter that it isn’t even his job to uncover things. He’s an “interviewer” (and quite bad at that) and commentator, not a reporter. He’s not even trying to uncover anything, he’s waiting for someone else to uncover…