The whole video is what I imagine Jersey Shore cast members' wet dreams to be like. And it's somehow even grosser than I'd pictured.

I got some love for the guy. I'm primarily a Hornets fan, and there was a year or so where he was the best player on the floor for us. But he was closing in on useless already even then. Watching him now is just embarrassing.

I'm not a Heat hater, but I can't possibly take them seriously as long as Jamaal Magloire is in their rotation.

leftover molasses that has fermented, leftover yeast, ash and dirt.

owners like Al Davis aren't among those having to cold-call clients to put food on the table

OK, I have to laugh because I was actually thinking Peter Tosh when I read the headline, then opened the link and was initially like, "who's this white guy?"

Sorry, that was probably a bit nastier than necessary. It's just that I finally got used to being derided as a hipster for having MORE cultural knowledge than was apparently considered normal. Now I just effectively got called a hipster for having LESS cultural knowledge than I'm supposed to. What do I do?

I genuinely don't know him. Not because I'm too cool for school, but because I don't give a shit about stand-up comedy. Is that a completely implausible scenario? I hope not, because it's the truth. I guess I'm just a snotty hipster though. You'd know better than me.

Those Guys Have All The Fun, will make many ESPN employees crap their pants.

Boring Assassin also happens to be the working title for the next 7 Liam Neeson movies.

This Video Suggests That David Kahn Was Just Trying To Make A Funny

A CT scan today confirmed a stress fracture in David Wright's back

Right, and don't forget the time he rewarded Portland with Greg Oden. And then there was the time they gifted Kwame Brown to Michael Jordan because, oh I don't know, something. And then Stern did that thing where he gave the top 4 picks to Milwaukee, Atlanta, Utah and New Orleans, and then made sure the biggest market…

Same reason BYU didn't think it was a good idea to recruit Matt Bonner.

Fantastic. +1

+1

"Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive not uhh muhhh muhhhhh lalalalala. AMEN."

+1

Nice try, E*Trade, but the New York Mets are perfectly capable of handling their finances all by themselves, thank you very much.

George Lopez is eagerly awaiting any confirmation of the Sheen/Cowherd collaboration, since it would finally mean there's something else on television more embarrassing to America than he is.