By the way guys, let's all congratulate Deadspin on usurping Kevin Bacon's title as reigning "dong shot specialists."

@crazyjoedavola: I don't think that even matters so much. Pete Rose just couldn't pull off the acting job well enough for even the few minutes he tried to look like sympathetic figure. Clinton did just fine in the long run, but I think that's a tough example to compare. There's no established "culture" of getting…

All Bonds has to do is go on national television and offer vague allusions to past wrong-doing without actually admitting anything. He has to pretend to feel a little contrite about the shit he did wrong and how much of an egotistical prick he was in those days (but of course no longer is). Then we'll rip apart his…

@Clinton Portishead: +1

Hey hey hey now. It's not fair to cut off the video before he says "front slash dick joke" to, you know, just kinda take the wind out of his own sails a little and keep things cool.

@Lionel Osbourne: Sitting to the right on the stage.

I haven't seen this many sports references to a shitty Nic Cage movie since Robbie Alomar went to Thailand.

@Sterling Archer: Yes. Yes, I think you are.

to mute your TV and play the radio over the broadcast—might be enough for some, it's unlikely the game action will line up with the commentary.

A Yao bump is what most people consider a 40-bag.

@Arthur_Digby_Sellers: +1

See now I'd have thought the winner would've been paper champions, written in comic sans.

They sure must regret trading Michael Beasley though, because the new guys didn't lead them past the Celtics.

Christ, next you'll tell me that wasn't actually his penis on that towel.

The proposal itself is bad enough; what's worse is that the issue is still being framed sanctimoniously as one of dirty players and the wicked agents who prey on them

The rules will be delivered to the winning bidder by Bennett Salvatore, who will then interpret them for the winner in whatever manner he or she pleases.

Twitter, for its part, is content with the herky jerky romance rather than the hitty slappy romance of which it had been warned.

So is he or isn't he a cocksucker? I've lost track of the rules.

your current catcher is an antique Molina

Sweet. Thanks for recapping LeBron James' last days in Cleveland and reminding us how much it pissed off people from there. It's been way too long since anyone's done that.