I liked that time he forced a better shortstop to play third base for the rest of his career.

Well that’s different. Usually the biggest boob you see at a Marlins game is Jeffrey Loria.

Maddux: Max, I think we should put JJ on here.

We’re burying the lede here. Somehow, in contradiction to all the known laws of nature, the O’s started Ubaldo Jimenez against Scherzer, let Ubaldo go almost 8 innings, and DID NOT LOSE.

I never thought I’d say this, but let’s get some more snooker stories up in here.

It was later discovered that he had only bought the organization so that he could hold a “Despite All My Rage I Am Still Just a Rat In a Cage Match”.

Matt Harvey’s next start

I feel like you’re burying the “Aaron Hernandez quoted Savage Garden in his suicide note” lede here.

I’m going to withhold judgment until I hear from somebody else who saw it on CNBC (wind whistles) (coyote howls) (sun goes nova, consuming most of the inner planets)

As a fake internet attorney, let me preemptively address the knotty legal arguments from those who would ask “What about his right to free speech?”: Shut the fuck up you fucking idiot

Holbrook is under the impression fans bought tickets to the ump show.

Shit, now the Orioles will have to protect their honor by drilling someone on Holbrook’s crew.

Wait, why is this something to hate on this guy about? I mean, I know hes the Nickleback of sports professionals, but honestly, this man worked his dick off to get a spot.

A lot of people say the crucifix was in, but I think he nailed it. And yet the double-A Binghamton Mets fans are screaming GIVE US BARABBAS (Antonio Barabbas, young Dominican shortstop prospect).

You read my fucking mind. The Orioles didn’t start this shit, didn’t continue this shit, but they may have to be the ones who end it.

He said “me hand.” Ireland or Scotland.

I’m not going to sit here and say Baltimore is perfect. I live in the white L and there has still been a shooting behind my apartment in the two years I’ve lived in northwest Baltimore. I think saying it’s “frightening” outside of downtown, though, is a stretch. There are plenty of hidden gems in Fells, Canton,…

We have a great baseball stadium, a wonderful football stadium, three art museums, Fort McHenry, Babe Ruth’s birthplace and the National Aquarium, among other well-trafficked destinations. We do pretty well here.

Well, it would be, but he’s talking about Boston, a fourth rate city he gave WAY to much credit to.