I’ve been a Cardinal fan since ‘81 and I freaking LOVE all the attention deadspin has sent our way. You guys should do like a 170 days of Cardinals or something.

Not just today...

If you think that is funny, Hulk Hogan is running Gawker today.

Have any of you not eaten bananas before, and is willing to eat one on camera for us? Preferably slowly.

And then the time he was allowed to pilot a dirigible..

I didn’t know you could do that from inside the kitchen.

Which one of you broads can punt a football the farthest?

It's funny that this is pretty much a thing in the US, but not an issue elsewhere because of the lack of historical issues around it. Someone here would see this and take it as being horrible (rightfully), but most people in Europe see nothing wrong with this. Other than Spain and Italy of course. That's way too many…

“So what?”

It’s showboating because Duke called off the foul game with like 30 seconds to go. There was literally no threat that Duke would score again or make it close, therefore no reason to even put the shot up. Game is over, you’re up by multiple possessions, and Duke isn’t guarding you. Dribble out the clock, hand to…

When did the St. Louis Cardinals organization lie about making remarks to the opposition?

Everybody, when a cop stops you. listen to his directions, give him the documents he wants, be polite, THEN SHUT UP. Tell him you will talk to your counsel and let it be. Everything you say can hurt your case. Deal with it later, before the magistrate.

Maybe stop driving for a while Jon. Take a break.

“I’d like to thank my teammates Tony uh...Ortiz? Hernandez? Uh...Tony the Tight End, and um...our quarterback...Joe? Or was it Tom? There’s a quarterback named Tom right? Anyway you’re all great so thank you and I’m going to go home now. Which is...somewhere...what did I come in this room for again?” - Husain Abdullah

Makes perfect sense that he would retire because he’s concerned about his Abdullah oblongata.

And then he celebrated his burn the only way he knew how. By texting his wife to see if she saw the tweet 9 times in 2 minutes, throwing a simulated 20 inning game against a convenience store wall, and pounding a gallon of whole milk. It was a good day.

Interesting how Deadspin becomes very pro- or anti- people. Michigan hasn’t won a conference championship since 2004 and hasn’t beaten a top 10 team since 2006. Are they somehow not trying to jumpstart their program because they had one decent year in which they lost to the only good teams they played?

The tattoo thing was such a shame, seeing as the Buckeyes ended up with Urban Meyer, the most wins in college football since and a National Championship. But yeah, nice burn?

You say this isn’t a story about greed. It absolutely is a story about greed. Why do players worry so much about what other players are making? OK, so he thinks he’s better than Player X and should therefore be payed more than Player X. And if we were talking about 2 players making the major league minimum, he would…