Got your book from the library yesterday. .. it had a dollar bill inside it. So, what's up with that? You bribing your readership now?

I think the average desk worker probably does a solid forty minutes of actual work in an eight hour day, and I bet they resent every second of having to do it. I know I did. I remember I was dicking around once and my boss asked me to do something and I pouted. Like, visibly. And I wasn't in the middle of other…

Is there anything wrong with giving fake press conferences after you beat/ fail to beat a level in Candy Crush Saga?

At what Candy Crush level does one rise to a upper echelon above all others?

Um... she's had work done. Seriously.

Laser beams

In case it reanimates.

My dad's a doctor, and when we were kids, we were on a 3 hour flight and they made that call. He got up and went to the front, and he ended up having to sit next to a dead person for over an hour.

"so what do you do to keep your skin so nice?"

My personal favorite was, "I just want to be clear that it isn't your friends or family. I think they're awesome." Really helped soften the blow.

If I read one more article about how glorious uncircumcised penises are, and how horrible/terrible/sad/deformed circumcised ones like mine are, I'm going to scream.

Yeah, I get it, circumcision is a dirty awful Jewish/Muslim conspiracy to ruin the sex lives of men, by removing a tiny flap of skin who's only function is…

After a lifetime of annoying-yet-not-really-that-bad digestive trouble, I gave up gluten, dairy, and soy three weeks ago at my doc's suggestion ("find three weeks when you don't have a lot going on and just try"). The changes I've noticed are insane. One of the three of those things was NOT agreeing with me for the…

I can't believe the number of times I've been pregnant today!

I was with one giant-dicked dude once, and I was pretty pumped about it. Until penetration. It was like giving birth, but the baby just went in and out, in and out of your vagina for about 15 minutes straight. Like, I could hardly breathe through it.

If anal is anything like bananas in nutella, sign me up!

Go for it, kid. I would have proposed to my anesthesiologist if my husband weren't in the room.

I did a 36 hour labor/delivery with no drugs. My son was 8 lb 10 oz. Kate deserves a medal, and I will NEVER do that shit again EVER.

This may be a dumb statement (wouldn't be the first) but it's not like they have to mine these vitamins from the ocean floor. Why don't they just make more?

This is what for-profit health care looks like. :(

I wanted to labor at home for as long as I could. Once my contractions were timed to where I HAD to go, we went to the hospital, and I was like "PUT A MASSIVE NEEDLE IN MY SPINE, PLEASE!"