I read that in this guy’s voice and then I laughed. Mr. Omar makes everything better.

You can get hyper analytical, but it seems pretty clear that Bill has mistreated women for a long time and Hillary has done her best to be part of the machine that keeps him clean enough (and in the process rolling over those women) that they can accomplish their political goals in spite of his behavior.

They’re cute and complicated

“They’re homely, they’re simple, and they’re about to reproduce!”

this is my first time hearing about this but it’s already my favorite story of all time

I would’ve snatched that necklace right out of Rose’s hands when she let me “hold it just once.” Obviously she has severe dementia and needs to be sedated straight away.

I for one am shocked that the Trump family has lied during this election season

I bet he’s a manager at an Applebee’s and usually works the closing shifts and they close at midnight and the girl he’s with is a pretty young server and they flirt all the time and so when they get out around 1 a.m. they use Pokemon Go as an excuse to hang around and goof off and then he doesn’t have to go into work…

They don’t have Netflix?

Seriously. I start my day at 7:15 and have to drive a lot to get to work. I am in bed by 10 and up by 6. I need my damn sleep. And now that I’m pregnant, the idea of someone wasting their good sleep like that makes me want to punch people. I’m like, “I WISH I COULD SLEEP WITHOUT SOMEONE KICKING ME.” And I’m in my 20s.…

He’s either cheating on her or he’s actually playing Pokémon Go until 5 a.m.

How the fuck does a man in his 30's stay out all night until 5am? Does he not have a job or any responsibilities in life?

When Patton writes about Michelle, it’s so heart-achingly beautiful. I wish him nothing but the best blessings and I look forward to reading the book when he’s ready to share it with the world.

Ooh, let me just skip on over to the living-wage job tree and pick another. Because we all have a whole fucking job-tree orchard to harvest from.

Jesus christ, you psycho no-life having bitches, it’s not that damn serious.

Does no one remember the Will Friedle Classic “My Date With the President’s Daughter”? I’m only 24 but that’s still my go-to first kid movie reference.

If not, he can be in mine.

Since then, though, the film has shown in theaters all over the United States and Canada, to breathless audiences who see Wakefield as a personal savior and believe the government is engaged in a vast coverup of the fictional autism-MMR link.

All this “future president” stuff is nice but can’t someone just for once support my six year old’s dream of being a cheetah marathon runner?