That sound you hear is the cap coming off bottles of booze in the apartments of struggling writers the world over.

Guaranteed that many of the people upset about this have ranted about PC Culture, everyone being too sensitive, and the pussification of America (re safe spaces most likely) sometime very recently.

Zambillion Little Pieces.

My dear Kelly, you have not been specific enough in this otherwise lovely homage to my favorite food. You must use, and ONLY use, Duke’s mayonnaise in your tomato sandwiches.

when can we actually do this? It sounds just like the time I tried to yell obscenities out a car window at my ex-boyfriend’s house but was laughing too hard & then got kicked out of the Burger King drive-thru for being too stoned to order a Big Fish sandwich. Great night. ; )

oh my god that sounds so fun.

I sense sarcasm but as experience being the most humble person ever I can tell you that it takes a lot of effort and nobody will ever be half as humble as me.

You know that Lindsay Lohan is doing OK because she returned to having red hair. It’s the barometer of ginger well being.

I think Herbie should be a little less loaded this time.

If the FDA would like to recommend a better way to eat my feelings I’d love to hear it.

.

Don’t despair, you can also use curtains!

but rather a size 8 or 10,

She’s not only a giant, she has the nerve to be a Black giant. A Black giant who isn’t even a model and isn’t even light-skinned. Just who does she think she is, expecting to wear dressy clothing and have a few designers respond favorably to the idea of dressing her!

My humble suggestion is that celebrities should wear fashion designers on the Red Carpet.

From regret. Seriously. Some women who had abortions later said they regretted them, and therefore, no other women should be allowed to make choices because there is a possibility that they, too, will regret them.

You just described all Jezebel commenters

You know, you gotta do what you gotta do. That’s good money for relatively light work (I’m not saying easy, I just mean, not on your feet all day at some Starbucks or Target.) To hell with your dumb boyfriend, I don’t see why you should feel guilty for providing one more advantage to already advantaged people. It…