Whenever my mom watches an episode like that of Judy, she thanks me for waiting for the right person.

SANDERS-SHEINDLIN 2016

OMG you too, just make out already. Killary and Burn Unit!

I can’t even read this. They contract out foster parents (think temp agencies-but with parents), awful people sign up so they can have a check every month and they have virtually no regulatory agencies to keep track of them, and people get upset when shit like this happens.

Im surprised this kind of surgery isn’t more common.

I don’t fear needles, but my blood is prized by blood donation people due to high platelet count, and last time I went they were going nuts trying to get it to flow, and busted a vein in the process. NEVER AGAIN.

I’ve never seen the Kim sex tape, but something about that woman tells me that off camera, she probably doesn’t enjoy sex very much. Like its something she’s contractually obligated to do and probably receives a yearly stipend for. No hate. Just saying.

I call hoax.

Fry daddy

I wouldn't be surprised if Kim woke up with Kanye West's late mother's hair cut one morning.

Yeah, she had a stroke really soon after, and there were sneaky Catholics trying to sneak her into a longterm vegetative state.

My grandma passed away literally like 2 months after Schiavo. If she hadn’t my dumbo relatives would have kept her alive for checks (which they tried to do but had no legal authority).

Mom: Well you’ll take me of when I’m older, right?

This is why I try not reference my place of employment in my comments, on any social media. I have this fear of being called into my bosses office after telling some great office stories on the interwebs.

Good things that came from the awful situation the Schiavo’s endured:

What the people of Flint need to do is storm the homes of the city managers and Governor, because I guarantee you they have fresh, clean, running water. People in this country are super complacent about being slowly murdered by wealthy cretins.

They want me to identify as white (cause I do “pass” really well). However, my Latin comrades always know right off the bat that I’m Mexican.

I imagine plastic surgeons as people who can’t realize understand beauty except in a completely mechanical way. Like “Puffy lips, doll cheeks, and cat-like eyes are all things people find attractive. Lets put them together”.

Puffed up human Real Dolls (or whatever those terrifying sex mannequins are called).

Sometimes racist white folks try to be all sneaky and admit they are racist to me and get me to be a bigot with them (its a social disease). Then I bust out with “hey, you know I’m half Mexican right?”. TEARING INSTITUTIONAL RACISM DOWN FROM THE INSIDE.