I wouldn't be surprised if Kim woke up with Kanye West's late mother's hair cut one morning.

Yeah, she had a stroke really soon after, and there were sneaky Catholics trying to sneak her into a longterm vegetative state.

My grandma passed away literally like 2 months after Schiavo. If she hadn’t my dumbo relatives would have kept her alive for checks (which they tried to do but had no legal authority).

Mom: Well you’ll take me of when I’m older, right?

This is why I try not reference my place of employment in my comments, on any social media. I have this fear of being called into my bosses office after telling some great office stories on the interwebs.

Good things that came from the awful situation the Schiavo’s endured:

What the people of Flint need to do is storm the homes of the city managers and Governor, because I guarantee you they have fresh, clean, running water. People in this country are super complacent about being slowly murdered by wealthy cretins.

They want me to identify as white (cause I do “pass” really well). However, my Latin comrades always know right off the bat that I’m Mexican.

I imagine plastic surgeons as people who can’t realize understand beauty except in a completely mechanical way. Like “Puffy lips, doll cheeks, and cat-like eyes are all things people find attractive. Lets put them together”.

Puffed up human Real Dolls (or whatever those terrifying sex mannequins are called).

Sometimes racist white folks try to be all sneaky and admit they are racist to me and get me to be a bigot with them (its a social disease). Then I bust out with “hey, you know I’m half Mexican right?”. TEARING INSTITUTIONAL RACISM DOWN FROM THE INSIDE.

The greatest joy of my young life was finally beating my dad at Monopoly. “I got a monopoly with Baltic Avenue!” He would say gleefully. “I can’t lose!”.

My sibling actually read through the rules and found a bunch of obscure shit that ruined the game for us. Example: The ability to let other people bid on property you land on but don’t want. It ruins the fun.

They want to go back to the good old days where women didn’t have autonomy because they died young (childbirth, disease, donner party wagon trains), and the ratio of males to female favored men. IF SMART, YOUNG, HEALTHY WOMEN DON’T EXIST, EVERYONE WILL VOTE REPUBLICAN.

CAPTION THIS LADY

You never go Texas to Florida, everyone knows that.

They’ve probably been paying this guy off for years to keep quiet. Look at that nose!

Yeah, I mean, he eventually left her. Better thing for Robert to do would have been to collect his favorite daughters so she couldn’t screw them up so horribly.

I HATE I-phone googlemaps, with a fiery passion.

Annie’s Boobs!