He has the angry white guy vote, and the self hating everyone who isn’t white vote. I don’t think that’s enough to be president, is it?

Well first time is customary, but if I don't like the guy by the end of the date I won't let him pay. Mating rituals are weird.

The sibling of a person I dated a while back ago was an addict. They lived to exert as much control over the lives of their family members and would sell drugs to buy more drugs. Everyone in that family served the addict, like a group of bleary worker bees. Yeah, the relationship I had with their brother ended based…

The moldy comforters

I love a lady in a white tank top.

Good thing alcohol isn't really a staple in the Middle East (I'm so so sorry, I'm very much a liberal. Forgive me, fellow jezzers).

If we stopped making kids feel bad about getting sexy feelings in their bathing suit areas, this would stop happening so frequently. GIVE CONDOMS, NOT GUNS.

Zelda OOT is one of the greatest games of all time. I want to throatpunch this video store dude.

We actually do this in my family, which takes the whimsy out of gift giving, but I don't wind up with unwanted baskets of soap crud.

Whats the point of refusing a breathalyzer test if you still get a DUI?

I’d be all “Okay, well, maybe everyone is right and I am a closet lesbian. I do enjoy the indigo girls. Lets get my soul right." And then he is all “Put your mouth on penis." AW MAANNNNN

This is the face of a man who says, very angrily "Its not my fault. You moved around too much."

To reference Malcolm in the middle “as soon as you fall asleep it all comes out.”

Omg I will never stop laughing. When I schlumped for CVS, thoughtless grown idiot children would keep buying their grandmas digital cameras. I developed a fan base of rattling bones that would come in as my shift was ending so I could help them at the self service kiosk and with their cameras in general. I eventually…

Conservatives also block the advancement of high speed rail systems and other forms of public transportation that would get people to their jobs more efficiently and keep people on those buses.

I'm sickeningly jealous of people who have time to get their nails done, and EVEN HAVE TIME TO SIT THERE WHILE THEY DRY. Last time I had my nails done, I had to run to my car with wet nails cause I was late getting back to work.

I love Canadians. Every one of them.

Paul Simon did get a lot of heat for playing South Africa during apartheid. Can you imagine if Pauly S did that during the age of social media? But I see your point. Taylor swift didn’t know Romeo and Juliette were supposed to die, so her making a huge gaffe like this is no surprise. She likes the glittery surface and…

Can I also say she is heavily emulating Lana del Rey in this song? Like, so much so that I don't really like it, cause Lana does it better.

Brother was 25 at least. Triton knew from that damn statue he blew up.