According to my Wisdom Booklets, homosexuality is as contagious as the flu or evolution. First we have to share washrooms, next we’re picking out a Subaru and going camping in Washington State.

After my sibling had a wedding in the woods (no cellphone reception, the mapquest people had the wrong directions, and no GPS reception, so even if you had googlemaps back almost a decade ago, you were going to be lost), my parents told me they don't care if I ever elope.

Can someone explain to me why getting married involves so many DAMN parties? From engagement dinner, to rehearsal, to cocktail hour now apparently, to the actual freaking wedding? And bachelorette/bachelor parties? HOW MANY DO YOU PEOPLE NEED?

Im not having a ground exit at my future wedding, because I really don't want the cold-footed groom to having kind of escape plan.

Conservatives would rally against it.

Goddamn, my coworker called it. I said goddamn!

But dat wood be steppine on oure reli-gus freedoms!

Or that Jim Bob and Michelle are actually brother and sister, and their children's spouses are just sons and daughters they never included on the show.

Don't talk about the 18th century that way. Women worked in cottage industries that were eventually taken over during the industrial revolution, and were a vital part of the economy. The duggars want to go back to a world that never existed, where women pulled plough carts and never ever learned any skills that were…

Don't talk about potatoes that way! They give us French Fries!

LETS BELIEVE KIM IS DEEP, AND NAMES HER NEXT CHILD SOUTH, BECAUSE SHE NEVER FORGETS THE TIME PARIS MADE HER RIDE ON SOUTHWEST AIRLINES. I WILL NAME MY POTENTIAL BABY SPIRIT, AND THEY CAN BE AIRBUDDIES.

What is with old people and gambling?

What happened during the Nancy Grace interview?

If I had faith in Kim, I’d like to say she named her kid North so if she was ever feeling lost, she would find her way home when looking towards her daughter.

Meat curtain gray

I love this

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Can you stop saying white woman like this? I spent a huge part of my life being shoved around for looking white with Mexican heritage, and its never very empowering to hear “oh shes just a white girl”, which I've heard alot. Its not very progressive to dismiss a persons opinion when they can't exactly change their…

Was the nail compliment a subtle nod to 30 Rock? Please say so!

Don't you talk that way about Yes, Dear. Also, poor Christine! Ugh, Kim could be such a little bitch.