These are both excellent reasons to hate Tom Cruise. Co-signed.

And Iman, dripping in gold.

She should be so lucky. But I would say there’s a picture of Carla hanging at her plastic surgeon’s office.

Perfect allegory.

Tea? 

Steve Harvey,

I know you said “pinkie” but that’s not what I’m imagining. What a massive creeper.

So basically depriving minority voters in border states from possessing picture IDs? Or is my paranoia reaching pitch ...

Been fine or is fine? The Danish Church (Lutheran) will give you a big gay church wedding and at least half the female priests I’ve met have been openly Lesbian. Of course, my sample may be scewed. :)

Won’t someone think of the children?

He was searching for a heart of gold.

When the husband owns the controlling interest in LVMH you stick it out, goddammit. Just think of the handbags!

Since the eyes are the mirror of the soul, you’re not body shaming but soul shaming which is fine. Appropriate even.

I think those might be new boobs?

He was great in Magnolia. And that’s all I got.

A case of Senatores boni viri, senatus autem mala bestia.

And they ended the ceremony with Sigur Ros played by string quartet. This was a Good Wedding.

Twist: It wasn’t a Phoenix tattoo, it was scabies all along.