Your true stories can all also be related to my workplace (a hospital). if I kept 75% of patients alive though I might be in trouble. I do generally aim above that.

I had to quit topamax because it made me so stupid. I was forgetting words like "chair" and "brick" and "cat," it was crazy.

I don't know. I am a teacher, and when I can have 75% of the perfect class I planned happen that way, I am pretty darn happy with myself. Cause you see, when you plan the class, you plan it with imaginary students, and there is nothing like say, Whatsapp sexting scandals happening in the middle of your class (true…

35 butts touched. I like to be selective about my consensual groping. Gotta have standards and all.

in a SHOCKING twist, i would touch most of those butts.

this is so salty

like a morning cup of coffee

Uh, Rebecca Imma let you finish but this is the best buzzfeed quiz of all time :

I never got any weight loss with topamax! I'm really disappointed I didn't at least get that out of it - it did reduce the frequency of my migraines, but after 2 years I went off it because I developed problems with word recall. I'm back to relying on Excedrin + extra caffeine and Maxalt for knocking out my migraines.…

I didn't get the dopamax effects, just the anorexia. Imitrex doesn't work for me, so when I end up in the hospital with migraines, and my migraines last for days and days, I'm on 1-2mg of dilaudid every four hours. It has cut down the frequency of the migraines though- I haven't had one since right before Valentine's…

Why don't they just put women in the cargohold with the rest of the property and be done with it?

NYE plans, 2014!

vomited on myself while naked and crying.

When I was in high school I had knee surgery on December 26 and the combination of immobility and hydrocodone made me super constipated and my mom had to give me an enema. At age 18. Worst NYE of my life.

why is bus nascar not a thing

John Mayer is an aggressively incorrigible flirt. I met him in 2000 when he was performing in a trio in a club where I worked in the booking office. When the guys all first arrived at the club to do sound check, John came bounding into the booking office asking anyone within earshot, "Who's in charge of getting the…

lol the fuck is this shit mayer

Would you, as what seems like a reasonable and responsible person, give up your weapons for a country with significantly less gun violence?

This other person is always white too. Always.