No wonder women kept themselves drugged all the time, if all I had to look forward to were girdles and dust busters I probably would too.

Trumplestiltskin

OMG. That’s what’s behind the hair. He’s growing it so he can let it down out of a window and someone can climb up it.

I know I’m posting a lot of these, but the schadenfreude is just too much. Former speechwriter Jon Lovett is a fucking prophet. Here is what he Tweeted to Reince Priebus back on March 1:

I love gif parties

I liked “thin-skinned wannabe tyrant.”

Donald Trump will solve this by building a wall around women.

None. It’s not an elephant, it’s a drawing.

I’m a Grandma, and I always thought “innuendo” was an Italian suppository.

It’s not the first time Grandma has been woken up with a banana, amirite?

This trend of wearing Jeans with a blazer and a tie has to disappear like yesterday. It looks like shit. Either go full suit, wear khakis (in beige or subtle green), grey flanel pants or leave the tie the fuck at home. Good lord libertarians, some rules have to remain.

I was just thinking that I couldn't decide which of the Republican candidates had the least appealing face. This did not help me decide.

This is why people with kids stop hanging out with people without them. It’s not that we want you to join us in our misery and have kids so you can experience our pain. It’s that when we have kids, we realize really quickly that we cannot raise a child properly and remain as unbelievably selfish as we could without.…

I actually feel kind of confused about this, too. I live next to a beach and I sometimes pick up sea glass or pieces of ceramic (?) that seem like maybe they were dishes in a past life and drop them in a glass vase that sits by a window in my living room. I always thought it was harmless and maybe even a little…

I feel like Lambert’s Café needs to change its name to "Ow Bon Pain" after this incident.

I know diddly about babies, especially newborns, but I feel like they would be super boring until they became somewhat mobile. However, it’s my understanding that most SAH parents aren’t just sitting around gazing at their baby all day long. Why didn’t this guy have other things to do? I’m sure there was laundry or…

Theres a photo of me about..3 hours or so after giving birth: My husband is lovingly holding our son. I’m in the background, looking on from the hospital bed with a box of Cheez-Its in my hand and a mouth full of Oreos.