If you had to shit really bad, and there were only two stalls.  But one of them had a dead body in it.  Would you shit first and then call the police?  Or call the police and then shit?

At my best friend from high school’s wedding reception dinner, I gave just a quick toast and capped it off with “Mrs. (Groom’s Mother)...we made a beautiful baby boy, didn’t we?”

It’s actually magnets. Unfortunately, we also will never know how they work...

At the end of the Series Finale:

Touching you so warm and tender
Lord, I feel such a sweet surrender
Beautiful is the dream that makes you mine

Happy 4/20 to you too, Matt!

buddy i have 30 liters of blood in me im never going to have a stroke

Are you one of The Holdernesses? Maybe the little boy perhaps...trying to branch out for a solo album?

I came up with an elaborate prank on the mailman when I was around 7-8. I filled a water balloon and tied a string around the knotted end. I tied the string to the door of the mailbox and then duct taped a thumb tack to the top of the inside of the mailbox. Of course the mail came while I was at school, but to my…

This reads like every episode of that show where people eat their cat’s fur, marry ferris wheels and bridges, and have sex with cars...

DirecTV might’ve spilled the beans on Darlene in their “Info” section on last night’s episode. The teaser was “Angela makes an acquaintance; Darlene realizes she is in too deep; an old friend reveals everything to Elliot.”

His neck has camel toe...

I’d rather fart in the shower than in any of the following places: