What the hell people? Read your damn New Yorkers. You’ve got time to read Gawker sites but not the best magazine in the country?

I had a friend who worked at this tiny publishing company that was owned by these two really rich guys who didn’t need the company to be profitable or anything; they basically just needed an office to go to so it looked like having a career. She said one of the owners would started each week by rolling in around 11 -…

My wife subscribes to Star and InTouch and never reads them and they’re goddamn weeklies. They’re like ants...whenever you kill one it seems like two more appear.

Let N equal the number of New Yorkers laying around my house unread

My favorite New Yorker cartoon: A couple is leaving a dinner party and says to the hosts (with cash extended), “We don’t do reciprocal dinners, so does $85 cover it?”

I have note-books from university that I can’t even decipher. Thankfully I remember shit best through the act of writing it down not by reading it back or I would have failed everything terribly.

goddamn it what are you people doing in my apartment

I just flaunted my ability to eat most of a large bag of Doritos at work. I am just like Stars.

I did theater club in high school (lighting/crew) and if I learned one valuable skill it was how to coil cable. And once you know how to do it properly, every time you see it done incorrectly it will make you irrationally angry (at least in my experience). Seriously, it’s actually easier to do it correctly and if you…

• Canadian Maple Cookies with real maple syrup, imported from Canada. This is the genuine stuff, normally cost three or four dollars per box, and is far better than the semi-fake stuff they have at Trader Joe’s.

SO. MANY. THINGS. My favorites:

Pregnancy Tests.

Clay pots or planters are a good deal as well as storage containers which you can always repaint or give a new look. Also, if you are looking for cheap picture frames to decorate with you can easily give them a new look. Frames are usually expensive elsewhere.

Movie theater candy, gift bags/tissue paper/bows, balloons.

It's a rule they don't really make known to the audience, but spelling counts on a clue like that. The garden tool is spelled with an e, but the loose lady isn't, so technically, they're two different words.

It absolutely is rampant. I grew up in a fundie community, and I started being molested at age four or five. First by a much older cousin, and then by my father. Neither was punished, even though local police (they were also part of the community) got involved. My cousin was a minor, so they did the talk with the cop…

“Many times it is simply lack of opportunity or fear of consequences that keep us from falling into grievous sin even though our fallen hearts would love to indulge the flesh. We should not be shocked that this occurred in the Duggar’s home, we should rather be thankful to God if we have been spared such, and pray…

Consumers have been trained (by retailers) to believe that everything is always on sale somewhere and they won’t buy unless they think that they are getting a “deal” at the time of purchase.

It’s not how much you spent, but how much you saved.

That's a fair question. It's certainly better to use Morton's salt than to use, say, chopped-up Slim Jims. Hell, I've used Morton's salt and had it turn out just fine. I happen to prefer the taste of sea salt, but so far as I know, there's no chemical reason why it'd yield a better result.