I had the Monday after Thanksgiving off because it was the first day of deer hunting season.

If someone wants to watch me lay a couple of beefy logs, be my guest. I’m thinking that view would be so traumatizing that it would only last a few seconds, at most. I figure with that logic, I could shit in front of a picture window and still have complete privacy.

You realize you’re paying for that cup and coffee and a bran muffin you’re having with the repair person, right?

I’m willing to bet that he couldn’t recite the first line to “My Country Tis’ of Thee.”

You are a man of unparalleled patience and discretion. If there is an award we could give you, you should get it.

I know a guy who drinks a 2 liter bottle of diet coke every day and he’s in the best shape of anyone I know.

How about 25? I bet he couldn’t even name 25.

The best touchdown celebration is a good solid spike. It’s simple, it’s direct and it gets the point across that you just did something cool. When possible, it should be proceeded by a few yards of high stepping it into the end zone.

Why don’t they go to a buffet? You pay one price per person and everyone can get what they want.

That foosball video said that that was an amateur doubles match. Does that mean that there are professional foosball players? Like there are people who make their living playing foosball?

The best stuff pickled is beets, with hard boiled eggs in with them. Then just eat the red hard boiled eggs. And half sours. Those are good, too.

You and I both just got an education then, because I thought it was a just a stylized “M.”

The producers of the show didn’t have to use it. It’s a TV show, a dramatization, not a true-life enactment. The courtroom scenes have lots of things that would never happen in a real courtroom, so I don’t buy the “we have to be authentic” argument.

If he, as a media person, can’t do a simple task like this, it’s really hard to take him seriously on anything.

How about not the confederate flag?

The University of Pittsburgh and Aliquippa High School must be so proud of their alumnus.

See? Playing football doesn’t cause any lasting impairment of mental faculties.

The stars and bars by any other name . . .

Lucy. On old reruns.

You still have to keep the glasses chilled, otherwise the vermouth tastes flat.