If you don’t keep your phone on the nightstand next to the bed, how do you get up in the morning with an alarm? Use an alarm clock? Do they still make those things?

And Xanax. Lots of Xanax.

It goes back to Richard Todd. Namath recommended they go with Todd when he left for that one year in LA. There hasn’t been a quarterback since for the Jets.

That Smuckers shit tastes like cheap brown caulk. You’re 100% correct about refrigerating peanut butter.

I never get the fries at BK. Always get the onion rings.

A box full of masturbatory aids? Was this some Kinja Deal that I missed?

That’s not real peanut butter. That’s some kind of bullshit organic no preservatives artsy-craftsy peanut shit. You ever try to put that shit on a cracker? Breaks them in half every time. 

Danny DeVito.

“I spread it on my nipples.”

No, some people do a not so good job of reading comprehension.

Get off my lawn! And get a haircut!

I still don’t understand why Don Clendenon’s number isn’t retired.

And yet another installment of “What are White People Up To Lately?”

If he could only count to 3, how does he handle the 4th quarter?

Where the hell is Madmen?

My error. But still, why would a pitcher get thrown out for doing it if he does it enough times to result in the batter being awarded first base? It’s like getting thrown out or fined for continuously balking. The best explanation I’ve heard was that it just wasn’t a proper baseball move, which is just another way…

Jorge Posada ever did.

I never understood why a pitcher just doesn’t go to his mouth while on the mound if he wants to intentionally put a batter on first.

That’s what makes me gag.

Shitfuck.