Can’t wait for Mark Wahlberg to play Edelman in the movie version. The ball will be voiced by Seth MacFarlane.

Two months ago I was fired from my job for sexually harassing my boss but at a minor league hockey game yesterday I caught a t-shirt from the t-shirt cannon despite being in the nosebleeds. Redemption truly is a long and winding road, but it is rewarding.

“I keep the bushes well trimmed, HENH HENH HENHHHHHHHHHHH.”

Is this the movie poster for Rocky IV Loko?

Canned water!

Who of us hasn’t begged an author to be let out of the greys? The kinja version of a knighthood. Some with more success that others.

Just saw “Zoolander 2", huh?

I was gonna say... did this fucking moron just call SNL, a live comedy skit show, “Fake News”?

Do the old gimmick of having Trump look in the mirror. Baldwin plays Trump; Rosie O’Donnell plays the reflection.

When Goodell suspended Brady, of course he didn’t disrespect “the Greatest QB of all-time.” Goodell didn’t say a goddamn thing about Eli Manning.

Scott Zolak. He’s terrible, and sounds like he gargles with razor blades.

The tears on this website might be a close second. It’s a fucking football game, not a metaphor for the country.

Bitter much, Lindsey?

Take solace in this. Trump reportedly left his own party in the 3rd quarter because he was unhappy. He only saw the Patriots losing, and as soon as he left the Patriots turned it on.

Because we buy a ton of tech from China, dumbass. A trade war with China means our tech prices skyrocket.

By the time the Cyclones were through I’m sure the Jayhawks felt like they weren’t in Kansas anymore.

Speaking on behalf of people at gay bars everywhere: no we won’t.

“Hey, Margery! We got Black Month coming up! Could you get the Blacks together for a breakfast? Omarosa and Ben and that Secret Service guy. Keep it short as I need to talk to the Prime Minister of Hawaii at 9!”

Someone read a piece from a Wagner opera.