Bill Simmons: [fixed on his notes, searching for a way to further embarrass himself]

Adam Silver is a good fucking commissioner. When was the last time we could say the Big 4 in sports had at least one good commissioner?

Tracy Chapman looks weird in that hat.

Next up on, "hot chicks with douche bags", here is a white guy with dreads.

Oh man. I can't wait to play the part where Jenny gets AIDS.

Kinsler downplayed the wave after the game, telling reporters that he was "Just having a good time."

Her attorney said she was struck over the head with a broom handle at the residence. It must have been the same broom she arrived on.

"Who wants to start the In-and-Out 'Overrated' chant with me?" -Everyone not from California

So overrated. I live in SoCal and I cannot tell you where the nearest In N Out is nor do I care. When I can support a local business AND get a better burger, I'm going that route.

Yeah I tried describing it to my wife, who doesn't play video games, and ended up sounding like a five year old: "Well...you're on a planet and...it's got all these pretty colors and there are dinosaurs...and then you can jump in a space ship and fly away...and there are a lot of planets."

Hey dude,

he looks like somebody put a wig, fake beard, and fatsuit on his 10 year old self

Seems like the headline to this story is backwards from the actual story

A guy who doesn't call french fries "chips," who doesn't call the bathroom the "loo," and doesn't call pussy "fanny," - but insists on calling soccer "football" deserves a punch in the face.

When it comes to boring zero to zero ties, no collusion is necessary in the world of soccer.

The TRUE fan is annoying in every sport, but being a dickhole TRUE American soccer fan is an art form. Don't like soccer? Let me tell you why Americans are too dumb to like soccer! Starting to like soccer now? You are such an idiot and are totally faking! MY SEMESTER IN IRELAND MADE ME A SOCCER GENIUS AND THE…

I'm still skeptical because there's absolutely nothing about the gameplay that strikes me as interesting. It's the same kind of "walk in a random direction until you get bored, then walk in a different random direction" exploration-for-its-own-sake game you see all the time nowadays, only now that there's no loading…

I'm skeptical and confused. Really don't see what all the buzz is about. Procedurally generated worlds. Whoopdeedoo. I'll keep an open mind until I see more, but at this moment I feel like the internet is making a big to-do about nothing. Like when planking was the "thing"...

I'm still a bit of a skeptic. I've been burned by too many games that promised genre defining mind blowing features and never delivered. I still want this game to be good and to be everything promised, but I'll also believe it when I see it. My biggest worry is that it'll end up sort of like minecraft, where it's an…

Feel the same way. The people I see in my timeline shitting themselves over soccer now compared to the rest of the four years I've been on Twitter is hilarious.