You’re an artist with words.

Please don’t cum here just to make jokes.

You mustard me wrong because I don’t think it was that good.

If this shitstain keeps up with this, there won’t be anything left for his fucking wall to protect.

There’s no way this guy dressed himself this morning.

It sounds like a great excuse to ketchup to the newest PS4 editions, too.

STFU and take my money!

I don’t know how appropriate this really is, but this keeps reminding me of that plane crash in Breaking Bad. Can something like that (not the explosions per se) remotely be possible if things get even worse, or is there pretty much no chance that two planes can be close enough to each other to crash like that? It’s…

You got it fucking right with the last paragraph most of all. I work for the IRS and our department was eventually considered excepted (“essential”) because we work with the mortgage industry and of course they still need their fucking money. We actually do get paid in this case, but with fees, which isn’t supposed to…

“I once got a little bit of Monica, if you know what I mean, believe me.”

I see what you did there. ;)

The “work from home on your laptop butt-naked” ads will now become “shit from home” and I may be a little okay with this.

Someone who can’t feel the beat from the tambourine.

#LockHimUp

Food is meant to go into a stomach for digestion and lasting health. Today, I united food with my stomach. I believe this makes me a strong leader in unity and my body thanks me for it. #MakeDeadlyGreatAgain

He was great in Home Alone 3, though!

This dude is a piece of work.

The NSA are such app-holes.

Trump being told “no,” and by a powerful woman, is probably the greatest things that has happened during this fucked-up presidency. I say this as a federal worker who doesn’t give two flying fucks about this wall. He just wants yet another ugly monument to keep around forever.

Can we assume that the higher the frequency of “AMERICA FIRST!” and “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!” tweets that there are, the closer he is to facing consequences?  I hope he keeps yelling out those two things as he’s being escorted in handcuffs.