“I’m sorry for making up complete shit and getting caught doing it.”

I played trumpet, and now I’m kinda bothered by the fact that you can’t spell“trumpet” without “Trump.” :/

That’s okay. I didn’t want to digest this breakfast burrito anyway.

I’m sure he can watch terrorists getting waterboarded. He seems to be a-okay with it.

Go ahead, Dr. Dumbshit. Tell us again how Trump was the healthiest president ever to take office. Your alternative diagnosis is most useful.

Alternative data

On a scale from 1 to Waltons, she’s an easy DAMN.

Let’s just give them all to Trump. After all, he doesn’t read what he signs.

Nothing, because he doesn’t pay people anything.

DeVos: “This is cruel and unusual punishment! We will not let book-learnin’ take over this country!”

Same people who “boycotted” Budweiser by giving them free publicity via Twitter. These idiots must have trouble getting dressed in the morning.

It’s a bad sign that Bill O’Reilly is the reasonable one.

Wonderful. As soon as she kills public education with fire, the surge of uneducated voters will rush to vote Republican. We’ll finally be the very best at something: stupidity. MAGA!

They are what they eat.

Welcome to Jezebel, Kellyanne.

Trumpers are even having #BoycottBudweiser trending because the company released a pro-immigration Super Bowl ad.

Sean Spicer was probably the best gift Trump has ever given us, and saying that still makes me gag.

FAKE NEWS

And the scotch tape. Don’t forget the scotch tape. Fuck, even a penguin can dress better than him.