Look at Rambo over here.

“Cadet Bone Spur”

One of these people is a world class championship athlete who just won their sport’s biggest prize. And Phil is a pretty good hockey player, too.

Ladies and gentleman, that is the conclusion of overtime. The gold medal will now be decided by a shootout.

Hey, Cape Town would gladly take that melted ice no questions asked.

To be fair to Donny Baseball, I don’t think he’s implying those players weren’t good; he was just asking Harper to not shittalk the Marlins.

22. “It’s for the Federation to decide.”

This is how journalism dies—not with a bang, but with a Dave’s Double cheeseburger and a frosty.

When finally reached for comment, Wendy’s was notably frosty.

From Dictionary.com:

Somebody needs to be taken Outback and shot.

This is a good line.

The contract is for three years and comes with plenty of Percs.

Hungover Pats fans everywhere respond to Magary shouting expletives:

If this is the best they could do, they’re tooootally fucked.

Oh man, after finally reading it it’s even dumber than we’d imagined. What a wet fart Nunes has produced here.

Trump has barely tweeted in the last three days, gosh, I hope he’s ok!

“Your decision to assault was calculated, precise, devious, despicable,” Aquilina said. “You played on everyone’s vulnerability. I’m not vulnerable.=