Goodbye Deadspin. Deadspin forever. Eat shit, Jim Spanfeller.

I miss Alex Burrows. At least he could score goals between bites.

You succinctly put into words what I’ve been trying to say since the playoffs started. These guys are the real deal and they’re so goddamn fun to watch.

This playoff series reminds me of the conclusion of Battlestar Galactica. “All of this has happened before, and will happen again.” Goddamnit.

Stay away from the NHL. We Canadians have socialist healthcare systems and love our freedom Stalinist laws.

Born in the 80s, not religious at all. It’s not the horror elements that make The Exorcist scary; it’s the trauma Regan goes through medically that gets me.

Goddamn, I love the NHL trade deadline season. I and my fellow armchair GMs get to debate while we salivate for the main course of the NHL playoffs...

While the US men’s team is a big ole ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ this year I’m really looking forward to seeing the US women’s team compete.

Slovakia was sloppy but USA... man... kids named Brady, Casey, and Kieffer all decided they could just show up and win.

It’s almost as if Tkachuk is trying to emulate Claude Lemieux without any of the necessary skills to be good. God, I miss enforcers.

As an Astros fan, I wholeheartedly agree. This series has been murder on my emotions.

Surprisingly, yes. So far the press is happy to blame Pacioretty for his lack of presence on the ice.

I head Antti Niemi is looking for a new net to trash...

Let’s remember some goons.

Goddamnit. Phil Kessel, sacred talisman of fat men across America is now ruined. I need a hotdog.

I’m willing to bet hard earned money Letang contracts kennel cough right before the all-star game and has to spend the remainder of the season rehabbing from a rectal aneurysm.  

We’ve got 81 more games until the regular season ends and already my liver is questioning whether it’s a good idea or a great idea to watch NHL doubleheaders.

This article is an excellent cup check.

Jerseys, yes. Their gloves are fuck ugly.

Phil Kessel is the best thing to happen to American hockey since the 1980 miracle on ice!