Next “Too Close” was popular when I was in junior high, which is the perfect slow dance song to pop wood. Now, of course, I thought it was proper etiquette to get a boner when slow dancing, so I was poking all night long at [redacted]’s 13th birthday party with my then four inch erected penis.

“Consider: Southampton, where most of Arsenal’s forward lineup (and backline if you include Calum Chambers) came from...”

LOL yeah right. If I won the lottery, my attorney would give notice on my behalf and say all my fake goodbyes to my work-friends. Nobody there would ever see or hear from me again.

I want, nay I demand, that the Deadspin I Team find out how Taco Bell got so f’n expensive. Yes the food is grade D dog meat. But it was always cheap for starving college students.

A personal favorite:

Pretty sure this was the prettiest thing I saw today:

Christmas ales have been going on in Northeast Ohio for longer than most of the country, I’m pretty sure. People go nuts for them here, and there is a rather vicious split between Great Lakes Christmas Ale people and those who insist Akron’s Thirsty Dog’s 12 Dogs of Christmas is superior, largely because Thirsty Dog’s…

The thing about Great Lakes Christmas Ale is that it is different every year, and tastes notably different on tap and from a bottle (this is a good year for both, imo). When they get the mix “right”, its fantastic. When it’s off, it’s still pretty good. 12 Dogs of Christmas by Thirsty Dog is probably better and more…

Lack of inclusion for Great Lakes Christmas Ale is a goddamn atrocity and you should feel bad.

Great Lakes Christmas Ale is good beer, but the original recipe from years ago is loads better. Supposedly, the original brewmaster took the recipe to Thirsty Dog in Akron, and that original recipe is now 12 Dogs of Christmas, which is in my top 3 winter beers.

Great lakes Christmas is amazing but if you can get 12 dogs of Christmas ale by Thirsty Dog thats my favorite Xmas ale. I was happy to see SN Celebration as it was my favorite beer before I really branched out and try a new beer every week or so.

I don’t understand why Ted Mosby is helping them move?

Right? Like goddamn Madeleine, maybe sit a few plays out.

Can I use this post when the inevitable “Bush should die” posts pop up on Gawker?

It’s so weird, it’s like everyone has personal preferences and the world isn’t one-size-fits-all. Can’t we just spend a bunch of time arguing over what’s objectively best?

You know what’s pretty fucking good? Outback Steakhouse. There’s a good chance you have it. Stop whining and enjoy it.

Cleveland is fine, the Browns suck.

That second one is some found-footage horror shit.

“Being part of the wedding party sucks.”