By the way, I always greatly enjoy these Orlove “What is car” posts

Where I’m from, it’s the BMW X3. It could also go Yukon Denali, but I don’t notice those as much.

Ha. I live in Kansas City. It depends on what part of KC you’re in honestly. Go to Johnson county and you’ll see swaths of brand new Escalades and Yukon Denalis driving around.

These are all ‘shopped.

The Toyota Camry of entry Luxury Cars: BMW 325i

The Toyota Camry of rich, eternally miserable housewives: The Cadillac Escalade

Autoblog. Completely inoffensive, rather reliable for the most part, and generally unexciting.

Literally no one interested in an AMG and especially one that will cost over $150k cares about their gas mileage.

I bet it ends up with 708 hp, just to troll Dodge.

Stone Cold Steve Austin style, I like it.

True. I've been trying to figure out how to get a longer stick since puberty.

I dunno, we’re going to Pebble next week. What’s going on with you?

I’ll go down with this ship. My Jalopnik t-shirts are the only things that make me feel cool now.

I’ve never seen someone wrote a story for a website about how many times they’ve gotten a story rejected by that website, all while highlighting the increasingly inane stories they’ve had published by said website.

Update

[EXISTENTIAL CRISIS INTENSIFIES]

I valeted my ‘98 Cavalier a few times (currently at 251k miles, some rust on the doors - and at least one of the times, had a nice exhaust leak - also leaks gas a little. Good little car otherwise).

Oh you meant a horror story for me, not them.

*comes back to life*

I’d also prefer an old Kia.... FOR ME TO POOP ON!

Pedestrian slapper?