He says the Indians assassinated his character, but I contend that there was a second assassin, which appears every 5th day on the asshole knoll and fires off abusive tweets in between.

Came here to say this, leaving happy.

He reportedly told his mother that if she had a problem, she could meet him in Temecula 

Paying with cash and he used his legal name?  Rookie move.

Honest to god until this moment I thought that was the Make-A-Wish logo and then I was going to make a Will Smith-Aladdin joke but it’s actually way funnier that this Lakers team is sponsored by a third-rate ecommerce website so here we are.

I’d say ian rush belongs on that list.  

I’m amazed Trae Young had the self-control to stop himself grinning ear to ear halfway through that game.

I completely agree, but unfortunately, there’d absolutely be some ridiculous parent who would raise a hypothetical stink.

You want Florida to get...more drunk!?

Theory No. 7: Would-be fans spend 97% of their disposable income on mirrored Oakleys, Jimmy Buffet paraphernalia, Valtrex and stickers of Calvin pissing on things.

He arguably isn’t even the best goal scorer this season. Until his hat trick he was even with Kane per game.  And he’ll have to score almost a goal a game to equal Kane last year.

Totally missed the opportunity to rearrange the letters into ANAL TIN POT.

This is splitting hairs, and LeBron being the greatest isn’t insane. But, for me, Jordan gets the nod over LeBron for his constant pursuit of individual accolades and petty beefs while simultaneously winning championships. Jordan has 10 scoring titles to LeBron’s one. Six of them came in championship years. That’s…

He’s a child, only. 

UPDATE: Got a great deal on a hotel room through Priceline!

R.I.P. that guy.

He’s at least three, probably four children.

My wife of 16 years and mother to our three boys is an only child. I’m going to go call her a fraud and a bad leader and report back my findings.

Brandon Weeded was drafted at 28 so there is some precedent. Not precedent that you would want to follow but precedent nevertheless. 

Nope, nope, and haha no way.