Lord deliver me from the legions of thirsty fucktards who (at this point) apparently can’t even develop their OWN caustic personae.

So it's a combination of luck and hard work? Wow. Somebody call the Nobel committee.

would it somehow be less ridiculous if the artist wasn’t white, or for that matter wasn’t even a man?

That face looks like the battle ground of botox versus single malt scotch.

DeAndre Jordan: I think it’s safe to say that both of you are going to be terribly missed.

“Every brunch joint in New York has a $13 bowl of steel-cut oats on the menu.”

I have no clue what the hell this question means:

That looks like a Muppet playing hockey in his pajamas. Not a good sports logo.

I’m pretty sure this is the same way that Train composes lyrics, except with people who suffer from Tourette's.

I went to college in Boulder back when nobody really gave a shit about the State of Colorado (other than to visit and ski/snowboard). Right around the time I graduated (2007) and left the State, it began transitioning to the hippie/hipster/brotopia that is always rated the #1 place to live by Forbes, Outside Magazine,…

I hate Westbrook, but I need to know if it’s OK to hate this new Kevin Durant.

I think saying they can beat the Clippers without Curry is suspect.

Word on the street is that George Harrison caught it. Up there.

I hope Dana keeps him on 200, because it’ll take away his excuses for after Diaz wins again. Putting that loss on “errors in weight and cardio prep,” and trying to spin Nate taking the fight on 11 days’ notice as some kind of a benefit because he didn’t have to promote the fight? Mmmkay.

I almost cut my hair, it happened just the other day. It’s getting kinda long, I could have said it wasn’t in my way.

Pretty remarkable tale. This man’s saga could end up being an epic for the ages. If he keeps playing this well they’ll write books and movies and plays and who knows what other kinds of media about him.

You forgot to throw in "dank" every fourth or fifth word.

Totes. Just a bunch of ‘ots hangin’ at the ‘Spin ‘fice on a Weds’ talkin’ ‘bout ‘cados and veg sandos.

FTFY

It is virtually impossible to wipe your ass while standing. How the hell can you dig that toilet paper in between your manly muscular buttocks far enough to get all the corn and peanut bits out of there while standing. These are precisely the people that smell like they shit themselves, standing next to you on the bus…