“I think that Michelle Obama’s on Ellen more than I am”

“The Saturday Night Live alum, who most recently starred in Adam Sandler’s The Ridiculous 6 and Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser...”

Um, maybe you’re the thirsty one David Spade. Nobody gives any sort of fuck what you think about basically anything.

“Support you forever”

The @BestFansStLouis Twitter feed must be absolutely beautiful to behold right now.

In fairness they tried to arrest Bruce but he was nowhere to be found.

At least in America, you’re held accountable for these things no matter how rich you are...

“He isn’t paid” ... at Ohio State. Probably not at all true.

Works better for him . Ensures he doesn’t get Willis McGahee’d in his last game.

As a Rutgers alum I read through this article waiting to see some accurate slams of my schools’ football team only to find the largest slam of all- they weren’t even mentioned