This your first week here?

His family tree lacks branches that’s for sure

Twice a day would destroy my skin, but once is fine 

Because both should have. Next!

My best friend in high school’s first car was a Honda Civic with a manual and she still managed to text and drive. It can be done lol 

I don’t think he has the cheekbones for it 

No joke, brits can be extremely obnoxious particularly when they’re drunk

“Walking to Hawaii baby, yeeehawww!”

I’m thinking FA’s should start carrying around tranquilizer guns

“But I’d rather pick my nose and smell my finger”

Imagine if the ship hit one little bumpy wave while on that thing, no thanks! 

Derechos, tornadoes, floods, etc etc not a great trade off

Can my town borrow a few Germans please?

She needs to be thrown in jail, yeah threatening people is not a free speech issue. If it were the other way around and someone said they were going to do that to her they’d be in jail. 

Wish they had more options for narrow feet, looking at you women’s dress shoes. 

Please for the love of god stop planting juniper bushes. They’re ugly, a pain to maintain, removing them is a bitch and they ruin the soil. Stop stop stop! 

No sense of irony in his case then? He should be worried about the very real toxins in the botox he gets that has ruined his face lmao 

Or for a hot chick 

I thought he was a fat Mel Gibson. I’m sure he would love that comparison 

I work near a small airport, this would definitely bring out some police if I did that.