Carano is currently suing Disney for wrongful termination and discrimination. Does she have a case? Who knows. The mysteries of the law are beautiful and strange.

I still want to see the receipt that proves Mitch Hedberg bought that donut.

Weird. That’s exactly how I fielded every ball in Little League and I could never catch one.

He’s a kicker, not a punter.

I thought it was the things Mario and Sonic collected.

Came here for “One Night in Bangkok,”was not disappointed. Would come again!

Won’t somebody think of the children!

I heard Tom Jones is being forced to play What’s New, Pussycat on repeat at the Salt and Pepper Diner. Truly horrifying stuff.

Clearly, the way to catch a soccer dog is to slide tackle in its general vicinity and wait for it to fall over and theatrically hold its paw.

Thank you. Bring back lime.

The fuck-up on this one is that green is now green apple.

The good thing is they aren’t stuck with this failing business model for an entire season, they can choose a new one everyday!

Diner: “Can I have the double bacon cheeseburger, fries, beer and the injured player walk-through special please.”

Waiter: “Would you like the special teams player injury or can I interest you in upgrading to a starter?”

No, MLB contracts are guaranteed money. So, unless a player decides to retire/quit the game then they will get their money, barring some kind of event that would give a club just cause to cancel a contract (something that would result in a lifetime ban).

It’s the Lakers’ season, summed up in one play.

Someone should have warned him the British were coming.