It takes a very special sort of douchebag to make Bryce Harper look like a decent human being.

I wish it were trigonometry. Seeing Luck and Fitzpatrick match wits for three hours sure as hell would have been exponentially more interesting than whatever I was watching on ESPN last night.

Anybody that wears a bow tie to a football game deserves to be sad

“Now you know how we feel, fatass.”

This has been brewing for a long time. Sarah has never quite figured out why ESPN hasn’t shown a Glen Rice highlight during the past decade.

If that batting average is any indication, he’s forgetting his bat on the regular.

He was just so.....wrestling. Goodbye Dream.

Every non-Patriots fan:

“and it is definitely a bad idea to yell at people to suck your dick.”

To be fair, Dolphin Tale was the worst moment of Ashley Judd's life.

What a shock: Nick Young taking some unnecessary shots.

This is a bit ahead of schedule—usually it's not until next month that Duke fans get mad while watching mid-major teams on TV.

Roses are red

"After all, Niners fans will have to spend their remaining years trudging to Santa Clara to watch a shitty team that can seemingly be undone at any moment by internal political squabbles."

Baltimore: [cuts Rice]

Well, hey, if Kirk Minihane were 15 pounds heavier, he'd still be a shit-eating, sexist, non-apology-spitting, asshat-fuckwad on WEEI.

Later, she failed her concussion test when she couldn't answer basic questions like, "What's with that outfit?!"

"Here's your problem. See this support column? Looks like it was designed by a guy who learned calculus at a school which spent its money on a football stadium instead of a decent teacher."