In related news, ‘80s Kevin Kline and ‘80s Mia Farrow have adopted a dog.

We’re gonna build a bubble. We’re gonna build that bubble, and get this guy to pay for it!

Pete Rozelle and Paul Tagliabue, and the old guard of owners (the Rooneys, the Maras, etc.) built the NFL into what it is today, and then they all either sold out (voluntarily, or due to death) to the nouveau riches like Dan Snyder and his ilk, or handed the teams down to silver-bespooned offspringe, neither of whom…

That’s the difference between a Pete Rozelle and this chromosome-deficient asshole. Trump — a terrible businessman — would run circles around Roger Goodell today, and we’d wind up with TrumpBall Presented by AT&T (f/k/a NFL) football on Sundays while the inbreds who own 70% of the league now counted their cash, and…

Goodell and his inner circle are probably the most inept bunch of shitheads ever to run a major US business.

It’s just a shame he didn’t play more at the point.

(1) Salt
(2) Butter
(3) If you’re still reading, you’re a damn communist. Go back to Russia!

I didn’t know that Nantz played in the NFL.....

This honestly makes much more sense if you just assume that Kidd is an alien, and believes that of course you put the biggest and strongest of the hu-mans as a guard, lest the Trhyraxian Consulate come with their meta-destroyers to ravage your interests.

I really think we should take the NFL at its word here. In fact, let’s prove their point: we put Roger in a football helmet, then hit him in the head with a sledgehammer 255 times. It won’t cause any long-term effects, right? Everyone okay with this? Great, let’s get on it!

Did he lose his elbow trying to take off his shoe, perhaps?

Now this is a story all about how
My knee got flipped turned upside-down...

This is the best Bon Iver video ever.

Masturbate until the crying stops.

“Why is your other site Gawky talking about Pablo Cruise having airfare?”

When will The Thing be released?

“Sorry, M’lord, we now realize that’s just Wayne Rooney. Please strike the beastiality pornography charge.”

She’s very finger-worthy.

Apropos of nothing — I was on a flight from Newark to LA once (1997, I think) with Henner and the cast of Chicago, which she was in at the time. They were going for a Tonight Show appearance. I was back in coach with the dancers (mostly gay men; they were hysterically funny and a pleasure to travel with). She came…

Pictured: the lead researcher in the NFL’s study.